:: i don't deserve him ::

first time in my life.... i was so freak out and worried at the same time... and i feel so helpless because i couldn't afford to look after him and unable to say how worried i am...

yes i do texted him... but i can feel that his replies were so damn cold... frozen like ice...

he hates me... i can feel it...

all those things that he did during iema's wedding is just a normal gesture.... maybe to his eyes.. i am nothing....

i missed him like hell...

i don;t feel that i can love anybody like the way i love him...

i want him.... but in the end.. i realized that i don't deserve him... i destroyed us.... i destroyed that one thing that made me happy.... and now i know.. i am too damn selfish to want it back...

i don't deserve him...

and i hate it!